The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
