I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
