U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
