there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
