I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wish there were birth control emojis
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
