John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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