My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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