and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
