Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
