The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
