saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize