don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
