quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
