Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just found a bag of teeth...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
