He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
