seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
