He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
