I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
