her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I need a beard to bite.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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