Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
