i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
