he wants to bone in the snuggie
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
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