its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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