I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
