all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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