There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
