You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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