She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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