They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
