he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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