but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize