Welp...herpes.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
a search helicopter?!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
