Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
3pm strippers are depressing
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize