so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
