I can text with my tongue
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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