is your mom at the bar?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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