tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
