I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
