god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Pants 0. Shit 1.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
do nipples grow back?
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