who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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