____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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