im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
