i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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