Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wish I only lived at night.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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