shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
