im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
