You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
