Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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