You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
