I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize