I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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