So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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