Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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