That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
