so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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