On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
wow bdsm is so cute
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize