Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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