There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
