I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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