I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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