It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
if only i could text you this smell
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize