You're so nebulous sometimes
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
