when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
