i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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