im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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