i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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