She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm getting married
To pizza
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
