So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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