1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
tell me about the eggs
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