call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
