I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize