I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
