Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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