There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i dont even know how to be here
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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