I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
They are going to name an STD after you.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
